Learning Leadership

Say No

The next couple days I am posting sections from my book which were cut out of the manuscript. Some of these sections either did not relate to the chapter topic or they had been repeated in other chapters, hence they were cut out of the manuscript by my editor. I am posting them here on my blog for you to read and benefit from, free. :-) Enjoy.

You are going to have to learn to say “no” to other outside requests that people put on you.  You probably already know, that when someone request for your time, they might not have your personal best interest in mind. They might have their own agenda they’re trying to put on you. Such as a friend who has the same problem he’s been dealing with for months, but doesn’t take any steps to make it right, however he wants to spend time with you to “talk” about it, with no intentions to take the advice you give. A knock on the door salesman who comes to your front door asking if you have a few minutes to take a look at “gadget” he’s trying to sell. Or a friend who’s recently become involved in the latest Multi Level Marketing (MLM) gig where he wants to talk to you about a “great opportunity”. Rarely do these people have your best interests in mind. They have their own personal agenda and they are thinking about themselves when they ask for your time.

Question: How do you say "no" to someone's request for your time?

 

FOCUS

Part of my journey as an intern with Church Assistance Ministry (CAM) is learning to focus in on the work I feel God wants me to do. In the past I have heard God tell me to pour out what I am learning so that others can learn too, that I am to go and make leaders of everyday men and women, and that I am not to worry about the needs in the world but to simply pour out what I am learning.

Two of the character qualities God has put in my life is a strong desire to serve people and a tremendous work ethic. These two character qualities work well together when they are focused on a specific area. In past years, I have run into trouble with burnout by allowing my work ethic and desire to serve others to take me in too many directions.

As a result of my internship with CAM and my own practices of writing, developing content, and teaching, I am learning that I need to stay focused in the area I feel God is calling me to. I need to apply my work ethic and desire to serve young leaders by working extremely hard to pour out everything I can for their benefit.

Question: How do you focus in on and stay focused on what you are supposed to do?

What I Learned in 2011: Make Family a Priority

Another important lesson I learned in 2011 is to Make Family a Priority.

In 2011 I was reminded again for the need to make family a priority. Similar to yesterday’s post that I need to set my own agenda (before others do), making family a priority happens when I am committed to scheduling my family-time first.

Making family a priority is not easy for most people. For me, I am very driven and an extremely hard worker. Once I get my mind locked on something I work towards it and rarely stop. However, that can be harmful when I allow my dedication to my work creep in on the time I normally have scheduled for family.

For me I make family a priority by spending a minimum of one hour a day with my girlfriend. We often enjoy dinner together, go for walks, or just sit and talk on the couch. On weekends we spend more time together such as walking to the local Starbucks, enjoying a hike, or simply driving out of town. I also have a standing lunch appointment with my sister every Monday. We enjoy a quick lunch while we talk about what we have been up to and what is new. Even though my parents live over 3,000 miles away in Alaska, I usually call them or they call me a couple times a week to catch up (and to get the latest fishing report from my dad) and see what they are doing.

I know lots of people who have good intentions of making family a priority but the demands of their job and need to earn a living can sometimes nudge out that family time that is so important for a spouse and kids. It is very easy to justify coming home late and missing dinner for the sake of providing financially for the family. I am sure that is okay on occasion, but to have it become a habit where work takes priority over quality family time will be harmful long term.

Several times here on the Learning Leadership Blog I have written about the impact of the book, Choosing to Cheat on my life. It has probably been one of the three most impactful books I have ever read. This book by Andy Stanley is a great book for any busy leader to read about how anyone with a professional leadership job chooses to “cheat.” Either you cheat your job or you cheat your family because someone is going to get cheated when work and family collide. You can purchase the book here from Amazon.

Whatever your process is to make family a priority, be sure to find a way to make it happen. Too many people in the world come to the end of their life and regret that they did not spend more time with the family members they love.

Question: How do you make family a priority?

What I Learned in 2011: Set Your Own Agenda

Today’s blog post is the beginning of a series of posts of me sharing with you what I learned in 2011. I did this same series of blog posts last year and I felt it was beneficial for me to think through and reflect on what I have learned from the year. The benefit for you as a reader is that you get to glean a few things I have learned that you might be able to apply in your own life.

As John Maxwell says, “We don’t learn from experience, we learn from evaluated experience.” I agree with Mr. Maxwell that in order to learn from what we have been through we need to take time to think through it and find out what we learned.

Today’s post is about how I learned in 2011 to “set your own agenda.”

Set your own agenda is something I was reminded of again in 2011 because of the many requests for my time that I have. You don’t have to be a fancy CEO or well known pastor to have lots of people requesting your time. A mom running a household has more requests for her time a day than most people do at work.

When it comes to your agenda and schedule, you need to set it. You need to take control of your time and what what you do with it because if you don’t, someone else will.

Before allowing anyone else to schedule time on your agenda, set your agenda yourself based on what you need to spend your time doing in order to be healthy. For me, this starts first with making sure I have an hour of alone time in the morning before having to get ready for work. That hour alone allows me to journal, read my Bible, and pray which helps me feel close to God and aligned with His will for me life. I also allow time for my girlfriend which is about an hour a day during the week, Saturday evenings, and all day Sundays (sometimes I alternate that Saturday and Sunday schedule). Then I make sure that I schedule time to study for school, time to meet with my mentor who I meet with every week, and a little time for friends. Those are the things I need to do that help me stay grounded and feel healthy.

To be a healthy and productive leader you must determine what your agenda is and only allow people to change it on rare occasions. Emergencies do happen, a family member might get sick and interrupt what you had planned, but those are okay. As long as you are able to set your agenda for yourself before others are allowed to dictate your time, you are on your way to being a proactive and healthy leader.

Question: How do you set your own agenda?

Learning to Sacrafice Time

Last summer my mom was visiting with me from Alaska.

It was nice to spend time with family and to be able to connect with someone I've known for a long time and love so much.

While she was here I had to put down much of the work I normally do and focus on her.  The work I put down was reading, blogging, reflective writing, editing my book, and many others.

When my mom visited it was a good reminder to me that as leaders we need to keep focused on the most important things of life.  And those important things mean we sacrafice what we do and what we create.  Yes, I could have spent more time writing, reading and editing my book while I mom was here, but I decided not to.  I made the concious decision that time with my mom was more important than the work I could have done.

Question: What is an example from your life where you chose to spend time with family instead of work? 

Make Time for God (and yourself if necessary)

As you might have noticed, for the past couple of months I have been reading the books, Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor and Bridges to Contemplative Living written by Thomas Merton and edited by Jonathan Montaldo and Robert Toth. These books are part of a spiritual formation class I am taking at Fresno Pacific University, hence the posts are a little more "spiritual" and "faith based" than my normal leadership teaching.

Please understand that I am doing my best to pass along to you, my Learning Leadership Blog readers that I am attempting to teach you what I am learning about leadership and life.

In chapter six of Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor, she tells us that the busier she becomes serving the needs of her congregants, the less she yearns to be close to God. This is a problem that most faith-based leaders encounter because of their heavy work schedule.

Personally, that I am quite the opposite of Barbara in this area.  The busier I become when serving the needs of others, the more I desire my quiet time in the mornings to be with God.  (However, this might be because I am an introvert.)  That quiet time helps me feel close to Him, to know Him, and get back to my center.  When I am super busy, I yearn for that time even more because I find myself getting “beat up” by the world when serving the needs of others.  By “beat up” I mean that I have people communicating that I’m not worthy of doing good works, telling me I’m not a good leader, attempting to take from me what does not belong to them, and many other things that happen in our fallen world.  This leads me to desire to be close to God by spending time with Him in prayer and reading the Bible.

Just as Bridges to Contemplative Leaving tells us on page 43, “The great job of the solitary life is . . . in the awakening and attuning of the heart to the voice of God . . .”  That is what I deeply desire, and the busier I become, the more I desire to attune my heart to the voice of God.

No matter how busy you become as a leader, make time for God and yourself. If you are not a person of faith, be sure to make time for yourself to do an activity that recharges you and energizes you.

Question: How do you make time for God and/or yourself?

Remind those you love that they are loved

One thing I learned in 2010 was that I need to regularly remind people that I love that I love them.

As a leader who is motivated and busy, it is important that you remind the people that you love that they are loved.  It is easy to get caught up in working, pursuing goals, and chasing a vision and forget to show the people you love that do love them.

I love my girlfriend, mom, dad, and sister.  And I do my best every day to tell my girlfriend that I love her.  And everytime I see my sister, I give her a hug and tell her.  Every phone call to my parents in Alaska is ended with "I love you."

Life is too short to live side by side with people who you know better than anyone else, and who know you better than anyone else, and to not tell them that you love them.  They put up with the good and bad of you, and the least you can do is tell them that you love them.

Question: Who in your life needs to be reminded that they are loved?

What I Learned in 2010: Say "No"

Today's blog post is part 5 of my series teaching you what I learned in 2010. Enjoy.

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Say "No"

This has been a tough principle for me to learn because I'm passionate about serving others.  Therefore, anytime an opportunity comes up to serve and help others, I find myself desiring to help and serve.

However, I have had to learn the hard way from being over worked and burnt out that I can't say "Yes" to everything.  Just this week I was asked if I'd like to be on the City of Turlock's Mayor Prayer Breakfast Committee.  My first instinct was to say "Yes" and get involved as a way to help with the committee and meet some business leaders.  But, then reality started to kick-in and I realized that I'm already working extremely hard, and just don't have time for "one more thing."

I have learned to say "No" to most things so I can say "Yes" to the things that match up well with my areas of strength.  About a year ago I wrote a post about my strengths and how I try to stick to those areas.  You can read about that here.

What I Learned in 2010: Family Comes First (part 1 of 16)

At the end of every year I take some precious time to sit and think.  With nothing but a pad of paper, pen, and cup of Joe, I think about what I learned from that year.

This year I took that time while in Alaska, and I have compiled a list of sixteen things I learned in 2010.  Some of these are not "new" things, but I might have been reminded of them, and have placed them on the list.

For the next few weeks I'll share with you what I learned in 2010.  Let's get started.

Family Comes First

This was a very difficult decision to make.  Because you and I as leaders are both very motivated to do things and make change in our community, city, and country.  And the way we do that is by working our bum off.  

However, this sometimes causes sacrifices on a family.  Working hard often means less time with family, which can be a poor thing, especially if children are involved.  While reading the book, Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley, I realized I need to put family first. 

I made the bold decision and put my girlfriend, Jen first in my life (behind God, of course).  Since then I have had to learn to trust on God and my Team to get the job done on my behalf.  There will always be more work to do, but when it comes to working hard, I always need to make sure I spend the time with my family that they need, then work comes after that.

Question: How have you learned (or failed) to put family first in your life?